


Trapped

by Felinis



Category: Tales of Vesperia
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Gen, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-25 18:17:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19751173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Felinis/pseuds/Felinis
Summary: Sometimes she feels trapped





	Trapped

**Author's Note:**

> on the scale of one to ten my depression is almost consistently 12.

Sometimes it just felt like she was trapped in her house. There was a need for Rita to work because working meant she was being productive and being productive also kept her livelihood afloat, but more importantly it gave her something to do. Free time was hard to fill.

Whenever Rita had free time and nobody familiar was around, she felt not just lonely but trapped. Trapped because she was alone but also outside were strangers most of which she wasn’t interested in getting to know but were surrounded by things to do other than stare at her notes and internally scream. Sometimes when nobody would visit, and she’d been essentially living in her house alone for more than a week cabin fever set in and she started to feel like a waste of space. She felt like her life was slowly wasting away.

She’d get thoughts- ridiculous and downright absurd thoughts- in her skull that would rattle until she would cry. That she was going to die alone with no one ever actually understanding her. That any friends she made would just eventually leave her for one reason or another. Be it they outgrew each other because of time or death took them away. Any blastia may never betray but they don’t trust either.

Rita hates admitting that. Hates admitting that she keeps in the company of machines because it makes her seem so much sadder than she should. It’s summer and she keeps reading for fun- it’s not really fun though, more of something to pass the time- that she should be out having adventures with friends. Sharing ice-cream. Swimming in creeks. Getting lost in weird places. Rita has never done anything like that. She’s eleven and the longer she thinks about it the longer she finds most her memories are inside.

They blur together into this soupy mix of the same sight and the same day and slowly and surely it makes her want to cry because she’s a kid dammit and she as much as she denies it knows that! She doesn’t like that she feels left out because she does valuable research and she’s the head of her field but- but- but-

Isn’t life supposed to be more than this? Shouldn’t her memories be more than a room? But that’s how it always seems to be. She’s just in this house, in a room, working, pretending to work, staring at her work, doing something in here because there just doesn’t seem like a reason to go outside for anything other than what she needs. It’s not like anyone is waiting for her out there. Not like she has anything she really wants to do out there. Nothing she even knows she wants to do.

She’s locked in this house, but the door is wide open. 


End file.
